Dinner Night With Bernie and Diane

The more the new year was approaching my resolutions seemed to get more blurred. I had to go back again to my list of five years old. There I stumble on that one. - Having a family and a blocked one.  What a coincidence! I thought. I just got off the phone with my mom exhorting me to start a family.  Not long ago while I visited my Haitian patient, she was telling me how it is not good to live alone. I had to suddenly end a call with my brother because he was all about having children. Calling to my defense, I explained how where I live someone hardly knocks on my door. Once I get in and close it, it will open again when I get out and close it. I think it is more complicated than that. 

Five years ago, until now when I wrote that list, I meet three women. I reached out to each of them during the holidays. One I wished a merry Christmas, and all the good wishes. But all I got back was a” thanks” without wishing me anything back. No surprise because the day we met; her heart must have been taken away by the wizard in the movie Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom, as a sacrifice offering to the gods of Uganda. Miraculously with an ivy line connecting her to my heart we survived until a possible heart transplant was available. 

The other one responded a couple days later just to tell me she wanted more than a simple friendship. I remember she once asked me if it snows in Haiti. A librarian, someone I thought was guiding others in some prestigious university when it came for books and research.  She didn't know me or wasn't bothered enough to know where I come from. 

The third one, I had to explain to her quoting the scripture in Matthew 18v 8-9 Saying, if your hand or your foot is a hindrance to your faith, cut it off and throw it away. It is a good thing to go into life maimed or cripple rather than to have both hands and feet and be thrown on to the everlasting fire. I continue yes, and if your eyes lead you astray, tear it out and throw it away. It is a good thing to go one-eyed into life rather than to have both your eyes and be thrown on the fire of the rubbish heap. None of them for me was an option. I imagine some other spiritual books may have a similar passage.

I didn't want to go back as far as ten years ago. All the dramas and the many promises turn into lies I don't want to witness. The girl whom I thought I loved so much her father didn't want mixed grandchildren. She was my Russian language teacher, and I was her Spanish instructor. I remember calling her as was our routine just to hear words like: “Kak ti…ne Pani Mayou… Kak hotyet…” Our conversations were rather in English given my poor Russian vocabulary. I was a beginner learning the alphabet and I did not understand a word she said. 

That day I just failed a test I thought. I took my motorcycle for a ride and left without my documents, permit and insurance. On my way back the police stopped me just to confirm my one-night reservation in jail. She called in a couple days later and now speaking in English she said: I just came from St Petersburg with that French guy, and we messed up. I replied no that didn't happen.  I meant what can you do when all you got is some romantic words and good ideas. 

Until now I don't own a house nor land. I drive a nice car, but if I skip a payment my credit will go down. I have a lot of paintings that I am still working on to find the right buyers. Maybe they were right. I don't know how I would want my own children to go through what I've been through. Let's say if I die suddenly. 

I wanted to make peace with everyone before going from zero to 360 or the other way around. The more I brace the ideas of family, wife and children, I think making a study of those subjects was necessary. I understand one naturally develops the sense, and in the meantime one can lose it too little by little. I felt rusty and needed some prep courses. But hold on, a date is the starting point until graciously I was invited to Bernie`s and his wife's date night, the weekend before Christmas eve. 

Bernie was a sailor and we met during an artist residency at the Clemmons Family Farm, a couple years ago and still, we remain friends. He told me he is married to his wife Diane for over 65 years now. I bet he spent a big chunk of that time in mission overseas for the US Navy. He travels a lot too, so he's an easy-going person listening to many of his stories.  They have children and grandchildren. I don't know the number. That night I couldn't tell if it was their first or their ish date. He was such a gentleman attending to his wife. Those attributes and records will soon find their place in the Museum of Love located out of nowhere, I thought. 

Well, to all my friends who are married or wish to, I present to you Bernie and Diane the ideal couple. For so long connecting with him I was expecting to meet his wife for the first-time at the Farmhouse in Burlington for dinner. While we were both looking for a parking spot, he texted me he just dropped her off at the restaurant, and if I happen to arrive there first here is a description of her. 

I walked right behind this lady addressing the host. Her hair was white as snow shining through the dim candlelight. She has the most tender voice I've ever heard. I watched her walking slowly to her table spot. It took me a while before checking in and introducing myself. I told the host I was meeting with a friend, and we have a reservation under Bernie's name. I could have found the table myself, but he offered the ride, so I took it.

I greeted her, and she replied back with my name. I sat on the outer side of the table leaving the booth space for them. When my friend arrived, we were already some miles away chitchatting. He exclaimed: here is my friend I always talked to you about. A couple times when I called him, I got his wife on the phone. So, we were no strangers to each other. And his description of her fit the perfect match. Except I think she was much younger than I thought. He told me Diane had a hearing impairment. But she was so attentive and was smiling continuously. I repeated his favorite quote: happy wife, happy life, and we all smiled.

We look into the menu, as the waiter kindly gives us time to read. It wasn't a bible as I wish it was. There was very little option, but any choice was delicious and followed by two good digit numbers. He orders some wine and his wife just water. I was wondering whether I should break the alcohol abstinence I started seven months ago. I ordered a pilsener by Von Trapp, but I was battling to go through half of half the can. There was no concern with the taste and its softness. In fact, that's one of my best choices where there is no Prestige. - a three-time world gold medal beer from Haiti. I just could not risk my clarity, loss of anxiety, you can name all the benefits going dry, and knowing what DUI stands for while thinking about driving home.  

We ordered food as I recalled avoiding anything mixing oil and sugar. A full meal of fat mixed with sweet is gross where I come from. We keep fat with salt, and sweet in porridge and some juice. A sweet snack is just fine for ones with a sweet tooth. I ordered some chicken, vegetables, and a side note with no added sugar. Bernie and Diane, I think ordered fish and chips and morsels respectively.                                                    As usual Bernie and I talk about philosophy and social matters. For the first time, we talked a bit about church, and he invited me for Christmas service. He also asked me to come serve in the church. I declined because I don't think the church needs my service. I told him hilariously:  I am more a troublemaker than a peacekeeper, we both laughed. Diane didn't say much, but later on I understood religion wasn't too much a subject of her interest. They are both Christian, but one is Episcopal and the other Baptist.

As we went through our meals the waiter was doing some “vas et viens” filling our water cups and making sure we got everything. Bernie thought it was time to give our table away because in Burlington especially on church street it was crowded busy. He paid the bill including mine before I knew it. He also gave the waiter a great tip. I thanked him and his wife for a great dinner and time well spent, while making our way out to find our cars. I assured him I will see him at church for Christmas service. I hugged them both as we parted to see again.

As I was driving home to my Kiko, I started to review my day. I thought something was missing. I forgot to ask them about the longevity of their marriage. That also bring me back to a remark made by a female patient when she observed an older white couple. - The gentleman was pushing his wife on a wheelchair attending a doctor’s appointment. as I assisted my patient with medical interpreting. She said, how come white folks stick together till their last breath. I responded: its normal you’re in Vermont, that is what you will see mostly, and if you were elsewhere maybe Africa or a highly populated black neighborhood, it would be a different picture.

I was not satisfied with my answer. I felt it could be misinterpreted as I continue with the review of my day. I recall Bernie told me Diane was the only woman he knew all his life. And my mind starts troubling because as much as I would wish that for myself it didn’t seem attainable. I reached to a large field of thoughts, and these pops out: gold digger in no mine gold, wrongfully accused on death row: die too soon chasing a vain dream: many baby mamas which can only be attended only one at a time. And way at the end, I thought of the Intrepid Couple who migrate from the south to Vermont, when the entire Chittenden County may have hosted only two distant black household. Also crossed the Nile traveling to many places in Africa, and the world. The patriarchy and matriarchy of the Clemmons Family Farm. - the place who welcomes my art and me a as person. We can get in more detail either taking a trip to the farm or wait for another blog in appreciation to them.

Meanwhile I am enjoying being single. I work a lot and feel energetic. I have lots of time to join cause in my community without having to ask for someone`s approval. I can love endlessly and go out on trips alone. I can spend the whole day writing and painting without any distraction or obligation. This is not a pitch for a dating site. I have navigated many and I have never found any story like that. I keep my doors and windows open while welcoming the resolutions of a new year.